A Breath of Burnt Air

a fresh breath of burnt air; not something i needed, but something i wanted to greet my new year.

sweeping, i try to think back just hours before what my new years eve had been. "diet coke," are the only discernible words i could remember among the many people constantly talking throughout that particular memory. popcorn scooping. how long had i been scooping popcorn today? longer than anyone should. today wasn't a series of customers, today was a blur. only one customer i could distinctly remember was a man.

"could you hurry it up a little bit please," rudely said. a look in his eyes tell me he didn't mean for it to be rude sounding. he wanted to apologize, but his pride held his tongue, and he played along with his own false accusations. i looked at him for a few seconds, to waste his time.

a slowly said and overly happy voice gave this man an attack he couldn't counter, "i'll do what i can." the rolled eyes of loss had the man staring at the ceiling for not even a second before looking back at me. if he wanted anything he'd have to wait for me, he knew it, and i had won this entire social battle that had taken place within' ten seconds.

midnight passed as i swept. i didn't feel a thing, positive or negative.

as i drove i felt it, a feeling that a weight had grabbed my heart and was pulling it down. another year, and i'm still doing the same thing that i was doing last year.

i pulled up to a little 2009 after party taking place in 2010, and found a bunch of my old friends who i haven't seen in what feels to have been a year. they were all just sitting around talking, and all excited to see me. i stayed for a few hours, just hanging out and talking. it was really fun, and by the end of the night the empty feeling that sweeping stuck to me had dissolved away by something warm.

so i came home to to a fresh breath of burnt air and little miss sunshine.