It's a Story

I traveled to the past, years upon years. I heard lost ideas and saw unborn deities. I read burnt books and walked crushed stairs. Before I could get here, they told me to relax. to enter a state of bliss, nirvana. I couldn't do it. I was to imagine I'm a cloud just floating along, or sitting in a chair in front of a fire, doing nothing. It didn't work. Nothing? I must do something. I ignored what they told me to do, to think about "not doing," and I thought of what I would do. I found myself buying a camera. Using it, making a movie, as lame as it may be, I'm making it, and it's what got me here.
"You are sitting in your chair, in the room made white, completely relaxed," he says to me, I'm outside shooting my friend, with a camera. "go to the first door you see, open it." I put my eye to the viewfinder. "You have now entered the past." I pull the camera from my face, and there I am in a Greek amphitheater, watching the very first play in human history occur.

Elightenment

Paul: I was in complete darkness until yesterday, but something forced me from my blissful universe.
Gloria: But... What forced you out? It sounds like you enjoyed the place.
Paul: I'm not so sure, I just became overwhelmingly compelled to leave, all my brothers and sisters left with me when i did.
Paul: No, I would have left without them, but I couldn't have survived without their help.
Gloria: Oh?
Paul: Oh yes! They all gave their lives so I could come here and-- well, swim around I guess.
Gloria: All of them? For you? How?
Paul: We all left together, in a very large number, one by one we were picked off by anything that deemed one of us a suitable meal. Only three of us made it to the water, and the other two were eaten by bigger fish. I'm all that's left.
Gloria: I'm sorry to hear that. So you don't have a purpose after all that? At least none you know of?
Paul: Nope, I felt I couldn't stay they any longer, that I had to be here. Now that I'm here, I don't know what to do. Perhaps I could swim and eat, maybe go back one day to plant small souls of my own.
Gloria: It seems if that is your purpose, that is all that is needed. But shouldn't there be more? Surely living to survive isn't enough reason to fight for existence.
Paul: I see where you're going, but if that is the case, my siblings should have lived as well. It isn't fair they should miss out on an experience such as happiness.
Gloria: What about they prey, those who ate your brethren?
Paul: I hate them! they're monsters! They shouldn't exist!
Gloria: But you must eat fish in order for your own survival, those fish have a happiness that you took from them the same as your brothers and sisters. Perhaps the monsters were trying to survive, for their own happiness, happiness the rest of your kind were able to give them.
Paul: Happiness derived from pain...
Gloria: consider the fish you eat to survive, was their death not worth your happiness? or would you prefer only theirs while you starve and die?
Paul: No, I guess not, it's just...
Gloria: I think a variety of happiness is better than a bunch of wimpy fish, wouldn't you say? As long as nobody gets completely wiped out, I think it's all for the best.
Paul: so all I have to do is go out and be happy, despite what it could do to others?
Gloria: Yes, you shouldn't wade about and worry about what you've lost, but consider what could be.

Gloria swims a circle around Paul. Her vertical fins trailing behind.

Gloria: Well we should both be going now, look!

Gloria motions behind Paul then swims off in the other direction, a giant fish is headed his way. Paul swims away before there is a chance to see what kind it is.

Tent City

As I sat there in my box I began to make attempts at memory. How did I end up at this horrible place? The empty green fluorescent lights above were bouncing their lights from the pale walls around. They were going to get me. Who? I couldn't remember but I felt someone would come for me and take me away. I needed a way out of the prison I found myself in. Suddenly I remembered some. I brought myself here. how long had I spent here? I left my box, to enter a white room, tiles in every direction, except the mirror.

Outside, the sky was hidden by glowing blue clouds, but near the ground was perfectly lit with orange. There was nothing around but a wall of cloth, with an opening. No guards to keep me out, I pushed the cloth aside to let myself into a small village, which was lit by the orange light just outside, and the pool of dispersed moonlight above. There were many people walking around, all dark figures with my distance from them all. walked into the village. An accordion and a fiddle playing themselves kept my attention, until a face bumped into me.

"Jon!" It seemed to know who I was, "I can't stay here, I need your help," as the face talked, a body began to grow as if a dim light gradually revealed it to me. This face figure, with a body began to explain details of the situation, but my mind found itself reminding me of a friend rather than paying attention. Oh yeah, I thought, someone is here with me.

"Can you help?" the face asked, with a full body. I stood speechless, not knowing how to respond. It walked away. My attention instantly became re-fixed upon the instruments, who's player's were slowly becoming visible, starting with the limbs, as if my eyes were adjusting to the dark, although my eyes had been long adjusted.

"Here," a wooden mug was offered with a bump from my found friend, "It's water." A laugh came with directions to follow, so I did. A tent. A bright blue light. Men dressed as women. People filled the tent. I sat down, leaning against a chest of treasure. My friend soon came to sit next to me. I wanted to leave, so did she, but they wanted us to stay. Not entirely human, and not entirely spirits, they came one by one, begging us to stay, to never leave, and enjoy all the pleasures they have to offer us: music, drinks, cookies, and skin. The music got darker, the blue light quieter, we gave them no answer, and they offered us more.

"I can't move," one of the creatures of the tent was running a finger down the leg of my friend. She gave me a worried look and shook her head. I tried to get up and found my legs incapable of movement. Had a curse been placed upon us? The creature moved closer to my friend, I suddenly found myself capable of lifting my elbows behind my shoulders and using the treasure chest to get me to my feet. With my hand now available I lifted My friend to her feet and we walked out. We walked five minutes as fast as we could with our weakened legs through a now empty courtyard surrounded by closed shoppes.

"What happened back there?"
"I'm not sure."
"I'm thirsty."
"Lets go get a drink of water."

We walked less panicked, taking our time as we leaft the village for the river where we could get plenty of water.

"Do you remember where we live? I want to go home now"
"Yes."

I took a drink from the frozen river water we filled the mug with and passed it to her. We sat at the edge of a low bridge on the river with our feet dipped in. The current took our curse with it and we sat there using the reflection of the clouded moonlight in the river to try and spot the naiads popping their heads from the water to take a look at us.

"Where?"
"I'll show you."

We filled the mug, said our farewells to the river spirits, and thanked the river itself before leaving the bridge. Mist came with the trees, and it wasn't long before everything's backdrop was white. Voices came from the mist, from creatures made from the mist, but my friend was able to ward them off with her words. we kept going through trees until a clearing came. A tent. Three steps revealed three more. We walked and found that there were a great number of tents. A whole city. Suddenly I remembered; this is where I live. Tent city.

I curled up inside a sack, to keep warm.

I closed my eyes and rest with my back to the floor. Rawk. The word flashed through my brain. What did it mean? I considered the word one letter at a time. H. O. U. R. Hour? My chest grew warm. I thought about what the word could mean. Sixty minutes. Why did the word look so unfamiliar? somebody had opened the filing cabinet in my head and thrown everything, I was suddenly unable to think a single thought. My chest grew hotter and my mind more absent. Was my brain giving up? Was my body giving in? Fear swept over me as I felt death enter the tent. My breathing grew deeper, but it could not keep me calm. I sat up, breathing the air as fast a could, it was the only thing I knew would keep me alive.

A pair of arms wrapped themselves around me, shielding me from the dark presence ready to take my life. It's ok I heard a whisper in my ear everything is fine, go to sleep. I felt a sudden calmness as this new entity, this protector of life kept it's arms around me. I melted into a golden pond, and by morning had evaporated away into a cloud. I spent the rest of the day floating slowly by.


http://www.flickriver.com/photos/kvdl/2676743203/

A Breath of Burnt Air

a fresh breath of burnt air; not something i needed, but something i wanted to greet my new year.

sweeping, i try to think back just hours before what my new years eve had been. "diet coke," are the only discernible words i could remember among the many people constantly talking throughout that particular memory. popcorn scooping. how long had i been scooping popcorn today? longer than anyone should. today wasn't a series of customers, today was a blur. only one customer i could distinctly remember was a man.

"could you hurry it up a little bit please," rudely said. a look in his eyes tell me he didn't mean for it to be rude sounding. he wanted to apologize, but his pride held his tongue, and he played along with his own false accusations. i looked at him for a few seconds, to waste his time.

a slowly said and overly happy voice gave this man an attack he couldn't counter, "i'll do what i can." the rolled eyes of loss had the man staring at the ceiling for not even a second before looking back at me. if he wanted anything he'd have to wait for me, he knew it, and i had won this entire social battle that had taken place within' ten seconds.

midnight passed as i swept. i didn't feel a thing, positive or negative.

as i drove i felt it, a feeling that a weight had grabbed my heart and was pulling it down. another year, and i'm still doing the same thing that i was doing last year.

i pulled up to a little 2009 after party taking place in 2010, and found a bunch of my old friends who i haven't seen in what feels to have been a year. they were all just sitting around talking, and all excited to see me. i stayed for a few hours, just hanging out and talking. it was really fun, and by the end of the night the empty feeling that sweeping stuck to me had dissolved away by something warm.

so i came home to to a fresh breath of burnt air and little miss sunshine.